Today I’m working hard to finish what is currently chapter eight of my novel for peer review with my writers group next weekend. This is almost entirely a new chapter beyond the original rewrite that focuses on a part of growing up that helps answer the strange question people often ask me…”boy, you ain’t right.  How’d you get like that?” 🙂
When I was a teenager, in the middle of an argument with my father, I asked “so, what will it take to be an adult?” I didn’t expect my father to answer, just say turn eighteen and get out of my house, but he paused to consider and said, “one definition of being an adult is surviving your childhood…” It was a moment I remember because it stymied our argument. I don’t even remember what we argued about but I remember that statement and over the years I’vethought about it a lot. It might have been a threat but he didn’t say it in a threatening way. What made it more disturbing was that all his hostility was gone when he said “one definition of being an adult is surviving your childhood, not everyone makes it…” the way a friend might recommend a good book to another friend “…and more and more often, those who do make it to adult don’t really become men until a very long time after.”
Especially now that I have children of my own, I often think about it. What makes a boy into a man? Sure there are milestones; first base through first home run come immediately to mind, subsequent success in other ball parks, competing school or schools, living on their own, the start of a career, taking care of someone else, buying a washer and dryer, first mortgage? Where does that line get drawn?
I think it ultimately comes down to becoming accountable and taking responsibility for one’s actions and the hard earned learning that comes from making mistakes. But, I’m always interested in other thoughts and opinions.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve been avoiding writing these scenes for a while but now that they’re almost done, they’re shaping up to be an interesting if painful reminder of the story.
For me, writing tough chapters highlights the difficulty (running away) and opportunity (taking a deep breath and doing) that comes from trying something different from what I’ve known. A milestone I’m sure I’ll look fondly back on – once I’m further along.